NEON GODS

An editorial cartoon is worth a thousand words

Matt Wuerker, at Politico, won this year's Pulitzer Prize for editorial cartooning.  I'm a big fan of political cartoons, have been since I was a kid, but since I rarely visit Politico I wasn't familiar with his cartoons. 

Turns out they are great and certainly worthy of a Pulitzer.  Get thee over to this link and check out 20 of his best.

--Trakker

Rick Santorum's ideological statements make him appear "disconnected from the present tense."

Reading the pundits in the WaPost is like eating toast without butter, pretty dry stuff.  That's why I was delighted to read Kathleen Parker today

Politicians say the darnedest things, especially when their lips are moving.

Perhaps it is on account of such a long primary season, but the more they talk, the tastier their feet. While Mitt Romney is merely guilty of saying things that make him seem disconnected from the lives of most Americans, Rick Santorum makes ideological statements that make him appear to be disconnected from the present tense.

Parker is a conservative whose writing is sometimes superb even when I don't agree with her (Richard Cohen is another whose writing I enjoy).  Parker gets annoyed at the extremism in the current Republican party and sometimes calls them out on it.  Her columns about Democrats are about what you would expect from a fairly sane rightwinger, and, let's admit it, we need more of them.  I spend a lot of time on lefty blogs and they make great points and are quite good at pointing out wingnuttery, but the spin can get annoying.  The truth is, the left is not always right and the sane righties are sometimes right.  It's hard to know when you're wrong if you only read the stuff you agree with.

--Trakker

Mitt Romney wants seniors on Social Security tested for drugs!

OMG! Sounds like if Mitt Romney is elected President he will push to have everyone who gets government benefits, which would include Social Security and Medicare benefits from the government, tested for drugs.  Presumably anyone who tests positive will be fined or maybe even thrown out of the program.

Here's the quote from Mitt himself:

Georgia’s controversial plan to mandate drug testing for all welfare recipients and other beneficiaries of government assistance got a big endorsement on Friday from Republican presidential contender Mitt Romney.

On a local NBC affiliate in Georgia, Romney said that he supported the measure:

Jeff Hullinger: [Lawmakers] have bantered about the proposition that welfare recipients should be drug tested. How do you feel about that?

Mitt Romney: Well my own view is, it’s a great idea. People who are receiving welfare benefits, government benefits, we should make sure they’re not using those benefits to pay for drugs. I think it’s an excellent idea. [emphasis added]

Mitt might try to argue that he was only referring to those on welfare, but I'm going all Fox News on this.  If a Democrat had made the same statement, Fox News would spend the next week screaming on the air that 'Obama wants to test seniors on Social Security for drugs and throw them out of the program if they test positive'.  That's how Fox News keeps their viewers outraged and hating the black Kenyan who stole their country's Presidency.  That's how Republicans win elections.

--Trakker

Best. Primary. Ever!

If you despise Newt Gingrich like I do, you should be thoroughly enjoying this primary season.  Newt has always expected that someday he would be President.  That's because he believes that with his huge brain, his gift for big ideas, and his ability to see the future clearly as no other politician can, he has always been destined for that office. 

Sadly for him, the small minded rubes that inhabit America were incapable of seeing past his human frailties, like being unfaithful to his wives, breaking ethics rules, lying, pandering, hypocrisy, etc. 

But suddenly in 2012, the Republican party found themselves in the embarrassing position of fielding a bunch of clowns running frantically hard to earn the right to beat the most hated man in Republicanstan, Barack H. Obama, and become President of the United States of America, Inc.! 

Suddenly Newt saw his opportunity.  Newt knew he was superior to these clowns, and as clown after clown fell off the stage, Newt found himself standing at the top of the heap when he won South Carolina!  He knew that with his intellect he was now unstoppable.  The nomination he had wanted so badly all his life was about to be his!!  At 68 he had almost given up ever getting the job he knew he richly deserved, and suddenly the Presidency was within his grasp!

Hahahahahaha!  As we all know, Newt has been trounced ever since South Carolina.  He doesn't have a prayer of winning the nomination and everyone but Newt knows that.  He has been captured by the hope-monkey and he can't let go.  He won't give up and never will until they finally have to kick him off the stage when he shows up for the first Romney-Obama Presidential debate.  They will have to use a stun gun to subdue him, then wrap him in restraints before a national audience, while Callista beats on the poor Secret Service men as they wrestle him onto the dolly and trundle him away.

This Republican primary has not only made Obama's chances stronger in November, it has damaged a lot of once promanent Republican politicians.  Palin is no longer a leader in the party because she wouldn't even run.  Bachmann, who was once a major force in the Tea Party, has been badly damaged and might not even win her seat, Santorum will never be heard from again, Perry not only embarrassed himself, Texas feels he embarrassed the too, Cain has been exposed as a womanizer and a liar, Newt's many warts and flaws have been exposed once again, Ron Paul's racist past has been laid bare, and Mitt Romney's wealth and extremely low tax rate has been used to show how the Republicans have coddled the very wealthy, and it could easily cost him (and the Republican party) the election.  Wow!

--Trakker

Yeah, that was not a good idea!

Dana Milbank captures the awesome lack of intellect of the Republicans elected in 2010.  These are the people that the Tea Party wants to elect more of, because they are so much smarter and more awesome than that pretend smarty-pants elected President in 2008.

House freshmen have been on the job for almost exactly a year, and until now they’ve done little more than talk about cutting the national debt.

But on Wednesday morning, eight lawmakers finally decided to take action. They scheduled a “major announcement,” invited the media and declared that they had a plan to reduce the deficit by — are you sitting down? — $1.5 million.

That's Million, with an M.

The eight lawmakers announced that they were returning unused portions of their office budgets in the hope that the money could help pay down the debt. And they were feeling mighty pleased with themselves.

“Now, I can hear the pundits saying, ‘Oh, these freshmen — they’re just grandstanding,’ ” said Rep. Jeff Duncan (R-S.C.). Now, why might a pundit say that? Well, maybe because Duncan delivered these words while posing before TV cameras and holding an 11-by-17 mock-up of a check with “taxpayer protection” written in the memo field. Upon completion of the grandstanding, they marched into the Capitol to deliver their “checks” to Speaker John Boehner (R-Ohio).

The reason we are making fun of these people is because they don't realize that they are making fools of themselves before the press and even many average Americans.  For one thing, $1.5 million when the deficit is being measured in billions and trillions makes them look like rubes.  And for another thing,

...returning office money at the end of the year is a routine event on Capitol Hill. As Politico’s Scott Wong noted this week, virtually every senator does it. Many House members do, too — without holding a news conference.

If anything, the exercise showed that thrift among the freshmen lawmakers is relatively rare. Landry said that he and the others invited any lawmaker who had saved office money last year to join them at the event — but the turnout was less than 10 percent of the freshman Republican class.

So all they did was emphasise the fact that more than 90% of the new Republicans elected in 2010 who demanded that government tighten their belts, didn't do the same with their budget.  Hmmm.

Milbank ends with this,

But the low dollar value didn’t detract at all from the lawmakers’ overpowering sense of self-righteousness. As skeptical questions came in from the congressional reporters, Rep. Raul Labrador (R-Idaho) became defensive. “People like yourselves question the motives of people who are trying to cut down the debt,” he complained.

No, but they do question the motives of people who, a year after arriving in Washington with plans to change it forever, march around the Capitol grounds with phony checks.

 This isn't to poke fun at the fact that these eight Congressmen saved the government some money.  Good for them, really.  It's about proportion, thinking little accomplishments warrant great attention and praise.  Many others do what they did every year without fanfare.  And more to the point, saving money from a Congressman's budget is a lot less painful than trimming billions from programs that feed the poor or help kids pay for college, which is what Republicans are demanding.

--Trakker

A guide to Republicanstan - part 3: Socialism

Socialism.

To most educated Americans, socialism is an economic system characterized by social ownership of the means of production (as opposed to private ownership) and cooperative management of the economy; or a political philosophy advocating such a system. 

Socialism is an economic system just like capitalism is an economic system.  Nothing weird about this.  In America we have many examples of socialism, ranging from our police departments to the National Weather Service.

But in Republicanstan, socialism is not an economic system, it is a special word of scurrilous, but unknown meanings, that Republicans use to ridicule a Democrat when they can't find anything else to use against them.  In Republicanstan, words do not have meaning, words are codes that let you know how you should feel about a politician.  The words freedom and liberty, for example, are words used to describe politicians that the Republicanstan people must vote for, and words like socialist, fascist, and communist are words reserved for the most dangerous politicians, politicans who hate America, want to impose Sharia Law, and turn America into a nanny state.

This method of using words as code rather than requiring people to actually know what the words mean makes it easier for the lazy and mentally challenged (the majority in Republicanstan) know how to respond.  For example, if the people of Republicanstan had to observe President Obama and see that his health care program actually requires people to buy health insurance from private, capitalistic American companies, they might actually think it is a good idea and that President Obama is a capitalist.  And while true, this would require the people of Republicanstan to learn about economic systems, listen and evaluate current events, and make their own judgement, a judgement that in Republicanstan would be a very bad judgement indeed, so it's just easier and better for Republicanstan to encourage the use of code words so their people can spend more time watching NASCAR races and Fox News.

--Trakker

In which I apologize to Warner Brothers

First off, I want to apolgize to Warner Brothers for referring to the Republicans as Loony Tunes.  I just can't seem to find a better description (other than "MotherFkn' A**holes who hate America" which is just too long).  Sorry, Daffy.

This has been a weird six months or so, because I keep praying to a god I know doesn't exist, but it feels so good.  Already this political season I've prayed the following:  "Please god, let Donald Trump be the Republican nominee in 2012!" Then, "Please god, let Michele Bachmann be the Republican nominee in 2012!", then "Please god, let Rick Perry be the Republican nominee in 2012!", then "Please god, let the Hermanator be the Republican nominee in 2012!", then "Please god, let Newt be the Republican nominee in 2012!", then "Please god, let Ron Paul be the Republican nominee in 2012!", then "Please god, let Rick Santorum be the Republican nominee in 2012!", and just the other day I prayed, "Please god, let Mitt be the Republican nominee in 2012!".

Do you see a pattern here? 

One of these clowns is going to be the Republican nominee and one of my prayers will be answered.  Better yet, all the Republicans running for Congress are going to be stuck running on the same ticket as one of these flawed, despicable jokers. Oh my!

Popcorn anyone?

--Trakker

A guide to Republicanstan - part 2

Medicare.  In America there is program called Medicare.  Workers pay a small portion of their wages every payday into a government fund and then when they reach the age of 65 the government uses those funds to pay their medical bills.  It is a simple program, very similar to insurance, and it is quite popular, especially among the elderly.

In Republicanstan, however, Medicare is not that simple.  In Republicanstan, as in the rest of America, at the age of 65 Medicare begins paying people's medical bills, but no one knows where the money comes from, but it most certainly doesn't come from the government.  How do they know that? Because Medicare works very well and is popular - and in Republicanstan it is a well known fact that the government can do nothing well and is very unpopular.  However, few question where the money comes from, just like few in Republicastan question where weather forecasts and hurricane warnings come from.  Perhaps God.

I recently came across an amusing post on Balloon Juice that will perhaps help Americans understand the people of Republicanstan's reliance on and ignorance of Medicare.  This was written by Matt Tiabbi about a Sarah Palin rally in Kentucky.

Scanning the thousands of hopped-up faces in the crowd, I am immediately struck by...the truly awesome quantity of medical hardware: Seemingly every third person in the place is sucking oxygen from a tank or propping their giant atrophied glutes on motorized wheelchair-scooters. As Palin launches into her Ronald Reagan impression — “Government’s not the solution! Government’s the problem!” — the person sitting next to me leans over and explains.

“The scooters are because of Medicare,” he whispers helpfully. “They have these commercials down here: ‘You won’t even have to pay for your scooter! Medicare will pay!’ Practically everyone in Kentucky has one.”

A hall full of elderly white people in Medicare-paid scooters, railing against government spending and imagining themselves revolutionaries as they cheer on the vice-presidential puppet hand-picked by the GOP establishment. If there exists a better snapshot of everything the Tea Party represents, I can’t imagine it.

After Palin wraps up, I race to the parking lot in search of departing Medicare-motor-scooter conservatives. I come upon an elderly couple, Janice and David..., who are fairly itching to share their views.

“I’m anti-spending and anti-government,” crows David, as scooter-bound Janice looks on. “The welfare state is out of control.”

“OK,” I say. “And what do you do for a living?”

“Me?” he says proudly. “Oh, I’m a property appraiser. Have been my whole life.”

I frown. “Are either of you on Medicare?”

Silence: Then Janice, a nice enough woman, it seems, slowly raises her hand, offering a faint smile, as if to say, You got me!

“Let me get this straight,” I say to David. “You’ve been picking up a check from the government for decades, as a tax assessor, and your wife is on Medicare. How can you complain about the welfare state?”

“Well,” he says, “there’s a lot of people on welfare who don’t deserve it. Too many people are living off the government.”

(When reading this account, it helps to know the following: Sarah Palin is a very popular Republicanstan leader, typical in that she rarely leads anything but is admired for her hatred of liberals, and the Tea Party is the major political party in Republicanstan - the other being libertarianism)

As you can see, in Republicanstan, people love their Medicare because they deserve it, but think it is bad for non-Republicanstan people because they don't deserve it.

--Trakker

A guide to help people understand Republicanstan - part 1

When traveling to a foreign country, most of us find a guide explaining confusing customs and beliefs to be helpful.  As someone who grew up in Republicanstan and understand many of their beliefs I thought it might be helpful if I started a new feature explaining them to Americans who often find Republicanstan hard to comprehend.

In Republicanstan Blacks and Latinos who get government assistance like food stamps or unemployment are on something called "welfare," which is bad.  Once they receive this free money they stay on welfare for life.   Whites who get the same government assistance are considered good people who have suffered a temporary setback and need some help to tide them over until they get back on their feet again. 

It is important to understand that in Republicanstan all taxpayers are hard-working white people who pay taxes but ask nothing in return from the government (except an occasional war).  This tax money is then used to pay liberal bureaucrats (who work about 3 hours a week) send the remainder of the tax dollars as welfare to Blacks and Latinos so they will vote for liberal Democrats.  This makes the white Republicanstan taxpayers very angry.

One thing that confuses many Americans is that there are relatively few Blacks and Latinos in Republicanstan, which leads people to ask "How do they know so much about the behavior of Blacks and Latinos?"  The answer is that people in Republicanstan get all their important information from a single, authorized cable television network called Fox News.  This will be covered in a later guide entry.

--Trakker

"We have spent an entire day debating about a bill that does not address an existing problem,"

Headline from the Huffington Post: "Imaginary Farm Dust Regulation Banned by House"

WASHINGTON -- A bill to ban a farm dust regulation that the federal government has never proposed passed the House Thursday, sailing through easily on a party-line vote of 268 to 150.

The measure, dubbed the Farm Dust Regulation Prevention Act of 2011, was purported by its lead sponsor, Rep. Kristi Noem (R-S.D.), to stop the Environmental Protection Agency from writing a rule that would require farmers to take onerous steps to control dust from their land.

But EPA administrator Lisa Jackson has said repeatedly that no such rule is in the works. What the EPA does do is review ambient air pollution standards every five years, as required by law, and make recommendations on whether or not to tighten standards.

"We have spent an entire day debating about a bill that does not address an existing problem," said Rep. Diana DeGette (D-Colo.).

"This entire session of Congress has felt to many of us like a trip into Alice's Wonderland," said DeGette. "To paraphrase the Cheshire Cat, 'We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad. ... You must be mad or you wouldn't have come here.' Sadly for the American people, H.R. 1633 simply underscores the 'madness' of this body right now."

So the Republican party is now so delusional that they are passing bills to prohibit imaginary regulations, regulations that no one has even proposed yet, but must be prohibited now just in case.  What next, a bill forbidding Congress to pass a regulation forbidding children from working in the mines on the moon, just in case we colonize the moon someday and find valuable minerals we want to mine?  Do we pay these nitwits to do this? 

Thanks to Charles P. Pierce for this nugget. 

As he states: "This is your democracy, America. Cherish it."

--Trakker